Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
