I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
