just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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