you traded sex for a burrito?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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