Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
