lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
