he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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