please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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