the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
