woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
