So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
is it fun? or sober?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize