just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
