You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
