id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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