p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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