Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
