her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
