He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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