I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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