she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
