The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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