I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
