Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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