we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
