im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will be naked everywhere
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
