Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
