How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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