I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
