You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Semen is not good for contacts.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
