this just has baby written all over it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
