I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize