Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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