i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Drunk is not a location!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
