I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
