dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
