when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
