It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize