just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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