just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
