3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
