The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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