She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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