remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
