So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
