I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
