In the future we'll all be gay
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
