So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
