why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
