i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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