the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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