How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
