I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
