just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
