for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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