Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
