i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
