I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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