the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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