who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
