Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
