i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
