good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
