Soap is not a condiment
I can text with my tongue
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This baby is an asshole
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
