Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
