you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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