OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
