it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
